No Partial Credit

Part 2: Multiple Choice, Short Calculations, Fill in the Blank (6 points each)

Select the best answer and enter your choice on the cover sheet – No partial credit.

A lot of the time, life operates on “it’s the thought that counts.” The problem here is that, really, the thought only counts when you get the answer right. I can think about how to do a calculation, or how to go about doing a problem, and it could very well be the right way to do it. Great! I know how to do it! Don’t get too excited. Having to be right is a staple in life these days. Everything has to be right or it doesn’t actually matter. I can do endless calculations and practice problems but if I don’t get the right answer then – BOOM! – six points down the drain. You would think that six points isn’t the end of the world, but you’re wrong. With those six points, it could mean the difference in a letter grade, the confidence in a person’s ability, a matter of passing or failing a class, or, most importantly, those six points can be the determining factor for whether or not you have enough time left to even finish the exam after wasting time on that one six-point question just to get it wrong. And let’s not forget to mention the five or six other six-point problems you still have left to do.

Maybe I’m just being bitter that I stayed up all night and the night before studying and studying and actually working for once to find myself unable to pull through in the end. Luckily for me, I will probably miss most of my points from the long answer questions, where I WILL get partial credit. That’s wonderful to hear, but was there really enough work to get me any substantial amount of partial credit? I guess only time will tell at this point. Regardless of the leeway given through long, partial credit, show-all-your-work problems, most things in life, especially college life, give no partial credit. So I’m exaggerating a little, sure. But even still, I know I have a point, and I know that anyone else can see the truth in my point of view too.

Being right is all that really matters. Getting the right answers and saying the right things and doing the right things and meeting the right people and making the right friends…all of it revolves around being right, whatever “right” may be. Getting the right answers on the exam will get you the good grades, and those good grades are the right ones for graduate schools and for employers. If you don’t do the right things and get the right answers, you’re at a disadvantage. But then you remember that a lot of people don’t get everything right but they still achieved so much in life, or they are even more successful than you can even believe, or they are a deadbeat trying to hold down a job that pays little, working alongside high school students and even getting paid potentially less, all to sustain a living because they didn’t get things right. I’m starting to sound like my mother. “If you don’t go to college and get good grades, you’ll end up living at home and working at Target the rest of your life.” Don’t get me wrong, having a job at Target is not bad at all…if you are a student trying to earn money for school or for leisure time. Or, if you’re manager of the store, or several stores, or you own one, etc. The point I’m trying to make here is that doing things right is a necessary part of achieving whatever goals you have for yourself. Or at least that’s what I think the world is trying to say.

Back to successful people that didn’t do everything right, sometimes you think, “Well they didn’t do –enter activity or “right” thing here– and they are successful!” And you’re right. But we can’t neglect the fact that they did SOMETHING right to get to that point. By doing things over and over again and doing them wrong each and every time won’t make that person successful. What makes them successful is the way they perform tasks and do things to benefit their futures. If what they do is right for them, and therefore right for what they want to achieve, then no one will say that it’s wrong. This plays into the common idea of building a career around what you love. Why is this so important and why is it so over used? It’s because it’s true. The more you want something and to achieve something, the more you will be right. Passion is right. Confidence is right. Effort is right. Sacrifice is right. So many things are “right” in this situation because they are right for the individual with the goal, and this makes others see what they do and how they act “right” as well.

This is all a bit confusing now. The point is. I know what I’m doing. I know where I want to be with my life. I have goals, and I have a means of reaching them. I have hopes and dreams and I know what it takes to make these things into reality. But what actually matters is doing these things in the way that’s right for me. School forces us to focus good grades to get us somewhere in life. My grades are pretty good compared to a number of people I know, but, more often than not, “pretty good” is not good enough. My life won’t be successful because I get good grades. My life will be successful because I know that I need to do whatever it takes to reach my goals, and if I think these things are the right things to do, then no one can actually say otherwise. In the end, if what you are doing gets you to your goal and you know it’s the right way to go about the task, then if someone else thinks it’s wrong it doesn’t matter because it is still right for someone. How much more can I even emphasize the idea that getting things “right” is how you get anywhere in this world, it’s just relative.

If only school worked in this way  as well. With school, there’s usually only one right answer. The only thing that I have to keep in mind is to do things to the best I can and to do what I can to make sure that I do well so it is as close to the “right” I need; nothing haphazard. I know that I’m allowed to fail and learn from my mistakes. But failing when I’m given the chance to prove myself, and to prove that I know what I’m doing, when it’s time to take the exam after learning so many complicated ways to calculate the same thing, just doesn’t cut it. “Good try. Your work was right.” Or “Good thing we have other points going into that grade too!” or “I guess I can just take the class over again…” are all excuses. These are just another way for us to try and get that self-esteem boost that we think will get us part of the way to doing well. That just gives the world around us another reason to smack us in the face and say, “Sorry! No partial credit.”

People Keep Asking Me Why

People keep asking me why, but I don’t have a solid answer for them. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know if I even want to tell anyone. But I can’t decide whether I want them to know or not, because I myself don’t know the answer to what it is they are asking me. Not only are these people asking me more than once, but these people aren’t just people. They are people that know me. They are people that care about me. They are people that I talk to all the time. They are people I love and cherish and trust. They are people I never want to lose from my life. They are people that I think about at least once every day, whether it is because I’m talking with them through the Internet, text messages, or phone calls, or because I saw someone walking by that reminded me of them or something happens and I think of them. But it happens every day. So then why can’t I come up with an answer to that question? The answer to that “Why?” is always “I don’t know.” I wish I knew. I really wish I did. But maybe I want to know too badly. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand how people like that can even exist and function in this world. Or maybe it’s because I don’t understand how I became friends with someone like that.

I think now it’s more of an obligation. Now I do things because I feel like I should. I “care” because I feel like I’m supposed to. Is it okay for that to be the case? I mean I see them every day, and I’m ignored and talked down to and snapped at. What did I do to them except go out of my way to “care”? No one deserves a condescending tone, especially when you live with them. Is that it? Is that the answer? The answer to the dreadful question, “Why?” I don’t know. And so the cycle begins again. The worst is asking myself the same question that everyone else asks. If I can’t even answer to myself, how can I answer to all these people that really care about me want what’s best for me?

I recently sat down and had lunch with a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen for over a month. I was excited to sit down and talk with him because I missed him, as I do with most of my friends, and it was wonderful to get fit into his busy schedule. I wanted to know about him of course; I talk too much for my own good and I would rather not have my friends ask me about me first. But, alas, he asked me too. Just like everyone else. He wanted to know how things were going. Are they any better? Or is it just the same? “I think you’re worrying about it too much,” he said. “It isn’t that complicated. She’s going to be like that and you can’t do anything about it. All you an do is decide how it makes you feel and how you act in the situation.” I hate it when he’s right. He’s always right. He went on to tell me that even though things may come off as condescending, maybe it’s a defense mechanism of some sort. I thought about this for a second, and I wondered if maybe he had a point. And he does have a very valid point. Am I just being too harsh? Should I let things take their course? Should I really try hard to make it seem like I don’t have a problem with how I’m treated because I’m a stronger person than she’ll ever be, or than she’ll ever hope to be? Is asking this question condescending too? Sometimes I don’t know what it is that makes me feel this way…

It gets harder to think that there are problems when more often than not it’s fun and laughter or mutual ignorance because we’re both busy or because we’re both doing something else at the time. But I still feel inside me that ignoring me isn’t the way to go about any problems you have with this living situation, if in fact that is the case here. And then I find myself thinking I care about what’s going on, and I care about what she thinks, and that something is going on here that is out of my control. This has to stop. Your hypocritical, critical, condescending, judgmental self needs to realize that life doesn’t work the way you think it does; relationships don’t work the way you think they do. So you have a boyfriend, a terrible one at that. Am I supposed to be jealous? I’m glad that you took a terrible guy off the market. And don’t forget to look up the words “charming” and “douche-bag” before you get them confused.

Now I feel like I don’t actually know what I’m trying to say. What I’m trying to do is establish a thought process that will lead to me realize what I’m doing here and why I’m letting it continue to next year. Is it because it will be easier to avoid the tension that she creates because I won’t be around her 24/7? Is it because I’ll be even more so on my own? Is it because I know that she will still be friendless until I introduce her to some of my friends? What am I supposed to do with myself if these are the things I constantly find myself thinking about? You judge everyone harshly for absolutely no reason. So what if they are annoying? Can’t you ignore it instead? Is that so hard for you? Why waste your time caring about that kind of stuff? Is that why you have bad grades? And why are you so opposed to asking for help? Is the fact that you have suddenly realized that I’m your competition and, oh no, I’m significantly ahead of you when it comes to getting into Vet school what is keeping you from actually asking for help? Why can’t you just step down from your not very high horse and do whatever it takes to get ahead?

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but we have gone over several times in Biology the idea that genes can be selfish. In this sense, selfish means that they do whatever it takes to make sure they are replicated and passed on regardless of the cell or organism’s best interest. This isn’t selected against when it comes to natural selection and evolution because the selfish genes are successful, and natural selection acts on things that add to the success of the organism. Taking this concept and applying it to the world, people compete with each other to get the better spot or to get ahead so that they will come out on top and look better than the people around them. It’s a fact of life, both at the social and molecular levels so it can’t be neglected. How is it that you don’t motivate yourself to succeed at whatever cost? In more things than just school? They say that in college, or in school in general, you can party and have a social life, sleep, or get good grades and do your homework and study. Of these three things you can only pick two. I may procrastinate and take a lot of naps or take a lot of breaks and whatnot, but I have fun, I get pretty good grades and I have time to study, and I make sure to get enough sleep whether that means waking up early to do homework instead of sleeping late or taking a long nap. This is the mentality that is lacking. This may have seemed pointless, but the overall idea is that I have a will to succeed and she doesn’t it.

That’s it! There is a lack of motivation, a lack of self-esteem, a lack of confidence and power within. I couldn’t imagine myself without these characteristics. I’ve been told that I have integrity, and that is what is getting me through a lot of the things I put myself through every day and leads me to make all the decisions I make. This lack of integrity in her makes me cringe. Not because everyone has, because that isn’t true or it varies in degree, but because it is absent. Maybe that is why I seem to “care” so much. I guess I feel bad…but I still think all I can say to those that ask me, simply and lovingly, “Why Tina, why deal with it? Why worry about it? Why CARE?” is “I don’t know. I guess that’s just who I am.” Interestingly enough, it is also like me to get rid of people that bring nothing to the relationship, but I have yet to decide whether my trying is going to waste or if she is even worth my time anymore.