Mob Wives

I’m on a plane to Boston. After writing that I kind of feel like one of those bloggers or reporters or whatever they are or can be that always writes about things like this. Or maybe it just sounds like I’m starting a travel blog or something similar. All that is beside the point. It’s 12:33am and I am sitting in the middle seat of a somewhat normal-sized JetBlue plane. I can’t decide if my dad is trying to see what I’m writing or if he is just looking around like that because he is half asleep still. It’s probably the latter, of course, but I won’t be surprised if I’m asked about this later. That’s fine. I have nothing to hide from them with this blog stuff. Think about it. It’s there for the public to see right?

At the moment, I’m sitting here watching the mini TV in the head of the seat in front of me. Thank goodness for that too, I don’t know what I would do without it. Well, I DID bring a book to read. The Road, actually, by Cormac McCarthy. But as I begin to read, the plane is getting ready to take-off and the lights go out. No big deal, I’ve got my little overhead light right? Wrong. MY light doesn’t work. The guy next to me has a working light. My dad on the other side has a working light. So whatever. I guess someone just wants me to sit here and watch TV. Not really the end of the world. There are some interesting things on and I sit and watch a few. A little bit of David Letterman along with some Jay Leno and Conan, even a little bit of George Lopez. Oh! “Don’t Forget the Lyrics!” is on! I like Mark McGrath. I miss Sugar Ray; they were so good! Ah, the good times. Sometimes I miss it, but I also like this age as of right now so let’s move on.

After some time, I started watching one of those lawyer shows and then another similar one that is kind of like CSI and whatnot. I like those shows so it was fine. ACTUALLY, the lawyer show I was watching is called “Franklin and Bash.” They are partners in their work and the actor that plays Bash is from “Saved By The Bell.” OH MY GOODNESS! And now he has brown hair. WOAH! I love that guy. I mean there’s always Mario Lopez, but you never see the main blonde-haired kid anywhere! Made my night for sure. And onward, I ended up turning to VH1 and got caught up in “Mob Wives.” Yes. THAT is how far this has come. Let me mention the fact that the way I feel right now is really tired. I’m a little cramped, I want to munch on something but I don’t want to actually eat anything (and I don’t want gum), I don’t actually want to watch TV but now this show is getting pretty interesting (honestly, it’s because they are about to start physically fighting with each other and they REALLY need to stop showing those “coming up” clips because the drama is captivating…that’s why they have these shows…oh boy…), my eyes want to close but they aren’t tired enough I think and at the same time I don’t have adjectives to describe this whole experience the way I want to, or at all, especially because I don’t have internet access to use a thesaurus that would make the adjectives necessary, the ones that I don’t have to describe this situation, sound more profound and make this post sound more well-written. As a matter of fact, the Microsoft Word thesaurus will work…but like I said twice before, I don’t have adjectives to get synonyms.

“Mob Wives.” Just finished, before I could get my entire rant across. Story of my life. But still, here it comes. The sad thing about all this is that I’m writing a pointless blog post about what I’m doing on the plane to Boston for my cousin’s wedding. And now, since I’m “watching” VH1, “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars just came on. I’ve seen this video so many times it’s ridiculous. But I have left it on my YouTube playlist because I love it and I love Bruno Mars and now we are getting back off topic. Then again, there really isn’t one here so I guess it’s all OK. So Drita is the wife on the show that is having a huge problem with Karen. OK, obviously, the drama has to come about somehow, right? There is a huge problem with Drita’s husband Lee, he used to be with Karen who cheated on him constantly, they broke up, Drita got with him, and they have kids, and right now he’s in jail or something like that. The whole thing is a really big mess and all these ladies are big time HOT MESSES. That pretty much explains their lives.

Side note: Longest Sleep Number bed commercial ever! I’m just glad that it’s not actually a paid programming, and plus what’s the deal with those beds anyway? I don’t sleep on my back only. I barely do at all anyway. So if I find my sleep number thing, does that mean it would be the same for any side of my body that I want to sleep on? Honestly, it doesn’t even matter. I don’t need one of those. I don’t have back pain or any problems with my mattress or anything. I find my bed rather comfortable and I cannot wait to come back to it after this week is over. Now back to the “important” things.

Now I think I might be feeling a little bad for Drita. And I can’t really get myself to decide whether or not I think she’s pretty. I mean, maybe it’s just because I’m starting to feel bad for her because her husband needs to be drowned but I think in general she’s a nice looking woman. Or, well, she’s not bad looking at all. We’ll go with that to stay on the safe side. And along with that, let me just mention the fact that Karen is hideous. HIDEOUS. And obnoxious and too obsessed with being friends or not and when this person hooked up with that person and blah blah blah and things that are just instigating more fighting between her and Drita. Karen is wrong because she never had a proper relationship with Lee to begin with and Drita didn’t think they were friends anymore when she got together with Lee, so she felt no need to let Karen know. That’s fair, but Karen doesn’t believe that at all. How do you stop being friends just because you lost contact for a few months or weeks? But Drita says it was longer than that. And this is the entire problem. Karen is mad that Drita hooked up with Lee and didn’t feel the need to tell her anything about it because they were tight or whatever. And Drita feels she didn’t have to tell Karen because they weren’t friends at the time. Either way you look at it, it’s the kind of TV drama that is just good enough, and stupid enough, to get a pretty big following, or at least one big enough to keep the show going. Onward through the fog…

Wow this is a long post, but that isn’t too surprising for me I guess. And why make two installments when I have nothing else to do but talk about the ads I kept seeing throughout the “Mob Wives” business? On that note, I will first bring up the eHarmony and match.com ads. Really!? Maybe three or four ads each. What are you trying to say guys? Are you targeting me or something? Are you in cahoots to try and get me to do something with my love life? And at this very moment, Flirty Girl Fitness ad. Now THAT is offensive. HA! Not really of course, but it could be. And that saddest thing is that I actually want to try it because it looks like more fun than any gym workout or running around the block would do. But, then again, it’s not cheap or free or anything that I am willing to pay I don’t think. And WHERE am I supposed to do this stuff!? Can’t do it at home without locking the door and closing the blinds. Especially from my parents and sisters, not even from the people that could potentially be walking by while I do the dances and stuff. Well anyway, that’s what I think about that. And on top of the “find your match online” ads, it gets worse.

1-800-616-SEXY. Yup, that was what one of these ads was for. Call and you can have a sexy time talking to someone on the phone and even set up something with a complete stranger. Who knows where it will lead!? Potential homicide maybe? Or rape? But I guess that is extreme…and only if you decide to act on the person that you are talking to. “Act” upon them was a good choice of wording. I’m just so witty sometimes I can’t handle it! I mean think about it. It’s even coming down to me pointing out my not really as witty but still witty enough to get a chuckle wording to whoever reads this. Which is MAYBE 3 people. But regardless, this was created under potential, and undiagnosed, delirium. And so the ranting continues…The next ad that comes up is yet another exercise one. Which is fine, whatever. The thing about this one is it’s about the Bender Ball, which is supposed to be good for get flexion AND extension with crunches instead of just…I don’t remember which one is missing when you only lay on the flat ground without the ball. Oops (as if it even matters…ha!). The Bender Ball thing was kind of cool too though…seems like it would be interesting to use and it might actually work but who knows really?

And here it comes. The tortured, abused, etc. animals ad. WHY!? That one is killer. I want to donate! I want to help! But I don’t actually trust you enough, Humane Society of the United States. Actually, I do, but I don’t have my own money to give you every month. And I’m already on my way to do something similar to what you want. And just because these images DO disturb me and I DO love animals doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to call you now. Especially since now I’m old enough. I feel bad, yeah, animals are my thing. But that’s beside the point. I want to help them but I would rather go there and help bandage them and take care of them, not send you my money to use in a way that might not be the actual best for that animal. Case closed.

Last, but never least, comes the Trojan Condom ads. EVERYWHERE! Oh wait, right as I’m writing about Trojan, comes another eHarmony ad. This is just going great. But at least it’s helping me pass my time and VH1 is playing music for me in the background….cool beans. But I think twice the condom ads came on. Great. What are you trying to tell me VH1!? Sorry for not being sexually active or for not being in need of a dating site to find someone for me (especially since I’m really not looking…at least not very hard)? Whatever the case may be, it’s definitely more fun to pass the time doing this and criticizing ads and trying to decide whether or not they are trying to tell me something about myself, along with not wanting to sleep because it’s not worth the neck pain really. The crazy thing is, I could have changed the channel. Easy as pie. Well actually that expression doesn’t work because pie isn’t that easy, especially when you’re me and you don’t bake. I don’t even know if I actually know how to bake. I’ve never tried to do so…I just eat my sister’s cookies ^_^. But if I changed the channel, my plane ride would have been less productive I think. How could I have written all this without such wonderful material. Such a meaningful blog post. Actually that’s true because it says a lot about me I think. In an indirect, wussy kind of way. But I wasn’t trying to be profound now was I?

Alas, we are beginning our final decent. And my rant is over. Perfect timing Washington, D. C. ;)

It Isn't Hard

Just because a teacher assigns a lot of homework doesn’t make them “evil.” Just because a professor is a certain way doesn’t mean you have the right to judge them. Just because you can’t keep up with the work that you have to do all day long and all the hours you have to put into schoolwork doesn’t mean that the professor is unlikeable and that they are out to get you. Maybe they are, most likely they aren’t. I’m sorry you have to waste all day long doing homework left and right and it just never ends…but you did that to yourself. You took those classes. You chose them. You chose this major. You chose to go to college. Don’t tell me that school and homework and everything along with it takes up all your time and you have no time for anything else. What else do you need time for? You don’t go out. You don’t party. You don’t have friends to go see. You don’t need to take time out of your day to go visit your boyfriend. You don’t go places. You don’t do anything. So why is it a problem that school takes up everything? You sleep all day and you work all day. It’s not like you have anything else to do with your time so why is it so bad that you have to work all the time? Don’t go to school. Don’t become a Vet. What exactly would you be doing if you had extra time? Stumbling on Stumbleupon long after I started it, just because I did? Looking up things and favoriting them and commenting on them on DeviantArt? Going on Facebook and MSN Messenger? What? Going into the closet and talking to some jerk who doesn’t even care enough about you to visit you at your school and will let you visit him spontaneously every chance you get?

If you had something important to do, or somewhere important to be, then it would make some kind of sense. If you had friends to see or other people to talk to that you aren’t forced to be around because your class needs to have groups, then I might understand. You’re a loner. You’re condescending.  You’re judgmental. You think you’re smarter than everyone else, and you’re not. You’re in college. And you’re a college freshman. You aren’t smarter than very many of the people at this school, especially the ones that are going into the same field as you are. Do you think that at the rate you’re going right now you’re going to get into Vet School before they do? I don’t see you volunteering anywhere, trying to talk to anyone that can get you ahead, figuring out which classes are better to take, making sacrifices for summer school instead of going home and potentially wasting time. I bet if you didn’t go home or visit your good-for-nothing boyfriend so many times and wasted all that money to do so, you would have a bit of money to put towards a summer session and you wouldn’t have to say that you can’t afford it. You would be able to afford it if you stopped buying gifts for people that are expensive. You’re the one who said that something simple would please you so that could be the case for everyone else. And if they don’t appreciate even something simple, then they weren’t worth any gift to begin with, let alone a more expensive one. You’re a college student; you don’t have money to waste on trips over the weekend to visit your boyfriend, or buying him gifts, or buying things for your mom and dad, or whatnot. Be a kid. You may be a legal adult but that isn’t what makes you one in life. You have no experience and you have nothing to offer anyone and no one expects you to act like an adult yet. They want you to be mature and not act like a little kid, sure, but that isn’t all that hard now is it?

Stop criticizing the world. What did it do to you? You get out the same kind of energy from the universe that you put into it. Trust me, you’ve but a lot of negative energy into the universe and it’s just giving it all back to you. You need to learn to handle it and move on or be a better person. Stop worrying so much about other people and how they are and what they want and what they need. Worry about yourself for once and make something happen for you. Why should you worry about other people? You aren’t here because they told you to be here. Do you honestly think they would have a problem if you didn’t do anything with your life? Maybe your grandparents will care, maybe your parents will care…but those people you seem to care about and talk about behind their backs couldn’t are less about you. That’s life. Only your family cares, and yours doesn’t even care that much. You really think that they care that much if your grandma talks down to you and compares you to your cousin? Where she says how much better she is than you? I don’t know what you think but that isn’t love. That isn’t care. Maybe they have their moments, but trust me, those are nothing compared to what it should be. They should care about you, and take care of you, and show you love and affection every chance they get….even if it is very subtle.

I feel bad for you because it’s so rare. But don’t you dare criticize the people around you who are living their lives better than you. So many people are better than you. So many people are ahead of you. So many people don’t care about you or care about what happens to you. The saddest thing is, it doesn’t take that much to not care about you; it doesn’t take that much to dislike you; it doesn’t take that much to be better than you; it doesn’t take that much to be liked instead of you; it doesn’t take that much to get everything you wish you had because, frankly, it isn’t hard to be better and more confident and smarter and nicer and everything better than a lowly, condescending, weak, ugly person like you.

No Partial Credit

Part 2: Multiple Choice, Short Calculations, Fill in the Blank (6 points each)

Select the best answer and enter your choice on the cover sheet – No partial credit.

A lot of the time, life operates on “it’s the thought that counts.” The problem here is that, really, the thought only counts when you get the answer right. I can think about how to do a calculation, or how to go about doing a problem, and it could very well be the right way to do it. Great! I know how to do it! Don’t get too excited. Having to be right is a staple in life these days. Everything has to be right or it doesn’t actually matter. I can do endless calculations and practice problems but if I don’t get the right answer then – BOOM! – six points down the drain. You would think that six points isn’t the end of the world, but you’re wrong. With those six points, it could mean the difference in a letter grade, the confidence in a person’s ability, a matter of passing or failing a class, or, most importantly, those six points can be the determining factor for whether or not you have enough time left to even finish the exam after wasting time on that one six-point question just to get it wrong. And let’s not forget to mention the five or six other six-point problems you still have left to do.

Maybe I’m just being bitter that I stayed up all night and the night before studying and studying and actually working for once to find myself unable to pull through in the end. Luckily for me, I will probably miss most of my points from the long answer questions, where I WILL get partial credit. That’s wonderful to hear, but was there really enough work to get me any substantial amount of partial credit? I guess only time will tell at this point. Regardless of the leeway given through long, partial credit, show-all-your-work problems, most things in life, especially college life, give no partial credit. So I’m exaggerating a little, sure. But even still, I know I have a point, and I know that anyone else can see the truth in my point of view too.

Being right is all that really matters. Getting the right answers and saying the right things and doing the right things and meeting the right people and making the right friends…all of it revolves around being right, whatever “right” may be. Getting the right answers on the exam will get you the good grades, and those good grades are the right ones for graduate schools and for employers. If you don’t do the right things and get the right answers, you’re at a disadvantage. But then you remember that a lot of people don’t get everything right but they still achieved so much in life, or they are even more successful than you can even believe, or they are a deadbeat trying to hold down a job that pays little, working alongside high school students and even getting paid potentially less, all to sustain a living because they didn’t get things right. I’m starting to sound like my mother. “If you don’t go to college and get good grades, you’ll end up living at home and working at Target the rest of your life.” Don’t get me wrong, having a job at Target is not bad at all…if you are a student trying to earn money for school or for leisure time. Or, if you’re manager of the store, or several stores, or you own one, etc. The point I’m trying to make here is that doing things right is a necessary part of achieving whatever goals you have for yourself. Or at least that’s what I think the world is trying to say.

Back to successful people that didn’t do everything right, sometimes you think, “Well they didn’t do –enter activity or “right” thing here– and they are successful!” And you’re right. But we can’t neglect the fact that they did SOMETHING right to get to that point. By doing things over and over again and doing them wrong each and every time won’t make that person successful. What makes them successful is the way they perform tasks and do things to benefit their futures. If what they do is right for them, and therefore right for what they want to achieve, then no one will say that it’s wrong. This plays into the common idea of building a career around what you love. Why is this so important and why is it so over used? It’s because it’s true. The more you want something and to achieve something, the more you will be right. Passion is right. Confidence is right. Effort is right. Sacrifice is right. So many things are “right” in this situation because they are right for the individual with the goal, and this makes others see what they do and how they act “right” as well.

This is all a bit confusing now. The point is. I know what I’m doing. I know where I want to be with my life. I have goals, and I have a means of reaching them. I have hopes and dreams and I know what it takes to make these things into reality. But what actually matters is doing these things in the way that’s right for me. School forces us to focus good grades to get us somewhere in life. My grades are pretty good compared to a number of people I know, but, more often than not, “pretty good” is not good enough. My life won’t be successful because I get good grades. My life will be successful because I know that I need to do whatever it takes to reach my goals, and if I think these things are the right things to do, then no one can actually say otherwise. In the end, if what you are doing gets you to your goal and you know it’s the right way to go about the task, then if someone else thinks it’s wrong it doesn’t matter because it is still right for someone. How much more can I even emphasize the idea that getting things “right” is how you get anywhere in this world, it’s just relative.

If only school worked in this way  as well. With school, there’s usually only one right answer. The only thing that I have to keep in mind is to do things to the best I can and to do what I can to make sure that I do well so it is as close to the “right” I need; nothing haphazard. I know that I’m allowed to fail and learn from my mistakes. But failing when I’m given the chance to prove myself, and to prove that I know what I’m doing, when it’s time to take the exam after learning so many complicated ways to calculate the same thing, just doesn’t cut it. “Good try. Your work was right.” Or “Good thing we have other points going into that grade too!” or “I guess I can just take the class over again…” are all excuses. These are just another way for us to try and get that self-esteem boost that we think will get us part of the way to doing well. That just gives the world around us another reason to smack us in the face and say, “Sorry! No partial credit.”

People Keep Asking Me Why

People keep asking me why, but I don’t have a solid answer for them. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know if I even want to tell anyone. But I can’t decide whether I want them to know or not, because I myself don’t know the answer to what it is they are asking me. Not only are these people asking me more than once, but these people aren’t just people. They are people that know me. They are people that care about me. They are people that I talk to all the time. They are people I love and cherish and trust. They are people I never want to lose from my life. They are people that I think about at least once every day, whether it is because I’m talking with them through the Internet, text messages, or phone calls, or because I saw someone walking by that reminded me of them or something happens and I think of them. But it happens every day. So then why can’t I come up with an answer to that question? The answer to that “Why?” is always “I don’t know.” I wish I knew. I really wish I did. But maybe I want to know too badly. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand how people like that can even exist and function in this world. Or maybe it’s because I don’t understand how I became friends with someone like that.

I think now it’s more of an obligation. Now I do things because I feel like I should. I “care” because I feel like I’m supposed to. Is it okay for that to be the case? I mean I see them every day, and I’m ignored and talked down to and snapped at. What did I do to them except go out of my way to “care”? No one deserves a condescending tone, especially when you live with them. Is that it? Is that the answer? The answer to the dreadful question, “Why?” I don’t know. And so the cycle begins again. The worst is asking myself the same question that everyone else asks. If I can’t even answer to myself, how can I answer to all these people that really care about me want what’s best for me?

I recently sat down and had lunch with a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen for over a month. I was excited to sit down and talk with him because I missed him, as I do with most of my friends, and it was wonderful to get fit into his busy schedule. I wanted to know about him of course; I talk too much for my own good and I would rather not have my friends ask me about me first. But, alas, he asked me too. Just like everyone else. He wanted to know how things were going. Are they any better? Or is it just the same? “I think you’re worrying about it too much,” he said. “It isn’t that complicated. She’s going to be like that and you can’t do anything about it. All you an do is decide how it makes you feel and how you act in the situation.” I hate it when he’s right. He’s always right. He went on to tell me that even though things may come off as condescending, maybe it’s a defense mechanism of some sort. I thought about this for a second, and I wondered if maybe he had a point. And he does have a very valid point. Am I just being too harsh? Should I let things take their course? Should I really try hard to make it seem like I don’t have a problem with how I’m treated because I’m a stronger person than she’ll ever be, or than she’ll ever hope to be? Is asking this question condescending too? Sometimes I don’t know what it is that makes me feel this way…

It gets harder to think that there are problems when more often than not it’s fun and laughter or mutual ignorance because we’re both busy or because we’re both doing something else at the time. But I still feel inside me that ignoring me isn’t the way to go about any problems you have with this living situation, if in fact that is the case here. And then I find myself thinking I care about what’s going on, and I care about what she thinks, and that something is going on here that is out of my control. This has to stop. Your hypocritical, critical, condescending, judgmental self needs to realize that life doesn’t work the way you think it does; relationships don’t work the way you think they do. So you have a boyfriend, a terrible one at that. Am I supposed to be jealous? I’m glad that you took a terrible guy off the market. And don’t forget to look up the words “charming” and “douche-bag” before you get them confused.

Now I feel like I don’t actually know what I’m trying to say. What I’m trying to do is establish a thought process that will lead to me realize what I’m doing here and why I’m letting it continue to next year. Is it because it will be easier to avoid the tension that she creates because I won’t be around her 24/7? Is it because I’ll be even more so on my own? Is it because I know that she will still be friendless until I introduce her to some of my friends? What am I supposed to do with myself if these are the things I constantly find myself thinking about? You judge everyone harshly for absolutely no reason. So what if they are annoying? Can’t you ignore it instead? Is that so hard for you? Why waste your time caring about that kind of stuff? Is that why you have bad grades? And why are you so opposed to asking for help? Is the fact that you have suddenly realized that I’m your competition and, oh no, I’m significantly ahead of you when it comes to getting into Vet school what is keeping you from actually asking for help? Why can’t you just step down from your not very high horse and do whatever it takes to get ahead?

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but we have gone over several times in Biology the idea that genes can be selfish. In this sense, selfish means that they do whatever it takes to make sure they are replicated and passed on regardless of the cell or organism’s best interest. This isn’t selected against when it comes to natural selection and evolution because the selfish genes are successful, and natural selection acts on things that add to the success of the organism. Taking this concept and applying it to the world, people compete with each other to get the better spot or to get ahead so that they will come out on top and look better than the people around them. It’s a fact of life, both at the social and molecular levels so it can’t be neglected. How is it that you don’t motivate yourself to succeed at whatever cost? In more things than just school? They say that in college, or in school in general, you can party and have a social life, sleep, or get good grades and do your homework and study. Of these three things you can only pick two. I may procrastinate and take a lot of naps or take a lot of breaks and whatnot, but I have fun, I get pretty good grades and I have time to study, and I make sure to get enough sleep whether that means waking up early to do homework instead of sleeping late or taking a long nap. This is the mentality that is lacking. This may have seemed pointless, but the overall idea is that I have a will to succeed and she doesn’t it.

That’s it! There is a lack of motivation, a lack of self-esteem, a lack of confidence and power within. I couldn’t imagine myself without these characteristics. I’ve been told that I have integrity, and that is what is getting me through a lot of the things I put myself through every day and leads me to make all the decisions I make. This lack of integrity in her makes me cringe. Not because everyone has, because that isn’t true or it varies in degree, but because it is absent. Maybe that is why I seem to “care” so much. I guess I feel bad…but I still think all I can say to those that ask me, simply and lovingly, “Why Tina, why deal with it? Why worry about it? Why CARE?” is “I don’t know. I guess that’s just who I am.” Interestingly enough, it is also like me to get rid of people that bring nothing to the relationship, but I have yet to decide whether my trying is going to waste or if she is even worth my time anymore.

...for now.

There is only one person that I can honestly say knows EVERYTHING, and that doesn’t live with me. Let us not forget to mention the fact that he is, in fact, not a girl. He’s the brother I never had, the friend I can tell anything to, the best girlfriend that I can gossip with (And he’s straight! What a concept!), the one who always knows when something is wrong, the one that never puts me down, the one that makes me smile and warm inside even when not talking about anything, which is usually the case, and the one that knows me inside and out and loves me just as much as I love him. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when you can say that you have a friend of the opposite sex that can be so close to you, and he knows that he is this wonderful person to you? I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint how it all started, but I know that it happened without our knowledge, I’m sure of it. We met in sixth grade, though I vaguely remember it, and we were sarcastic masterminds together then as we are now and will forever be. He is my partner in crime.

I talk to him all the time. I tell him my problems, ALL of them. He rarely has any of his own, except for the imbecile that dwells on the other side of his bat cave. Now what does that say about my friend? HE’S BATMAN! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diQHV_ZFyqY) In other words, he’s the best superhero. I was going to say he’s MY superhero, but that’s just weird, and let’s not forget to mention disturbing, but I will mention that he’s close to it. You know why? Simply because he puts up with my ranting, raging, passionate expression of whatever positive or negative feelings I possess at the time of contact, obsessions, and dilemmas. He finds joy in knowing these things, but someone has to listen, and he is more than willing to be that person and that works just perfectly for me. Think about the kinds of things going through a teenage girl’s mind. EXACTLY. He listens to it all, and even tries to give some feedback, or make me feel better at least. I love knowing that someone will always be willing to listen and will be disappointed if the story isn’t long enough.

I have so many friends that I can talk to about anything and we share laughs and fun and hardships and so many tears and headaches, yet there are some that just stand out among the rest. He is one of them. They will all forever stay in my heart and they all mean so much to me, I can’t fully express to them or to anyone else. Maybe I can find a way to express each one in some way, shape, or form that creates a window into the way I feel about them all in ways that one can hardly try to comprehend.

With him, I don’t need to mention a name. Why put a name on a relationship that is so pure and meant to be? He knows who he is, and you know who he is, and that’s how it is going to be…for now.